Baseball,  Frolic and Detour: Sports

Out of the Mouths of Babe Ruth Wannabees

Setting: Master Bedroom, 8:14 pm

Players: Drew and Porter, freshly bathed and clad in underwear and T-shirts, sprawl on bed with Daddy, clad in pj’s. Mom has just washed her face and brushed her teeth and put on her winter pajamas, due to the excessively frigid temperature required by the males in the house. With difficulty, Mom wedges her way onto a tiny corner of the bed between Drew and Porter.

Finn enters, showered, wearing only boxer briefs.

Dad: Finn, have you done your homework?

Finn: (nonchalantly) Not yet.

Dad: Go do it.

Finn: (dawdling) Okay.

Mom: (snuggling with Drew and Porter) You mean “Yes sir.”

Finn: Yes, sir.

Dad: Go on.

Porter: I’ve done my homework. I read “Henny Penny.”

Drew: I didn’t have homework.

Porter: No fair.

Finn: Dad, couldn’t you write an excuse?

Dad: For what?

Finn: For me not doing my homework.

Dad: And say what? That you had to play baseball and ride your bike and didn’t get to it?

Finn: Well, yeah.

Dad: No.

Finn: You could tell her I’ve had a lot of baseball practices lately, and games, and that’s made me be really busy.

Dad: Too busy to do your homework?

Finn: (nodding) Exactly!

Dad: No way.

Finn: Why not?

Dad: Do you think Mrs. Zither thinks baseball games are more important than homework?

Mom: Do you think we think baseball games are more important than homework?

Finn: Daddy does.

Dad: (reddening) I do not!

Finn: You’re just saying that because you want to stay married to Mom.

Dad: (very sternly) Son, go do your homework this minute.

(Mom buries her head in the twins’ hair and shakes with laughter.)

Finn exits.

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