Does your house smell like the lion’s cage at the zoo? Until last week, the rancid odor emanating from the boys’ rooms made my eyes water. I traced the cause to the boys’ shoes: specifically, their soccer cleats.
Obviously I’m no stranger to athletic shoes. What’s new to me is the combination of footwear and perspiration containing male hormones which are beginning to stir and work their magic. I knew the boys were going to start growing a centimeter a day, that one day the twins’ sweat would be not only moist, but also sour and that Finn would develop man-hair below his knees, but does Nature have to be so damn smelly?
I’d tried other remedies: Odor-Eaters (liners and spray), baking soda and so forth, but the smell only grew stronger. I tried to mask the stench with Lysol, Glade and every room deodorizer and air freshener in the cleaning aisle, but I only succeeded in making the boys’ rooms look like a bathroom in a cheap Mexican restaurant.
I was carping about the smell at Finn’s soccer game, and one of the moms completely destroyed my fun by refusing to join in. Instead she suggested a solution, which was quite helpful in retrospect, but which sort of pissed me off at the time because I was PMS-ing.
Anyway, she didn’t provide specifics; she just said to try kitty litter, so here’s what I did.
Here’s a tray of funky soccer cleats and a woman wearing too much lipstick. (I blotted before I got to church.)
Step 2: Pour Kitty Litter into shallow containers
This only took moments, not counting the fifteen minutes I spent in the aisle at Publix trying to decide which kitty litter to buy.
If your family includes members which Janet Jackson describes as “Nasty Boys,” as mine does, you may have particularly noxious cleats which need an extra dose of detox. Not to worry! For you (and me) I created “The Baptist Total Immersion Solution.” Sound messy? Not if you follow this step:
Purchase cheap knee-hi’s at Publix. Hold your breath, and pull a knee-hi snugly over each cleat. (I don’t know why I’m smiling. I look like crap and the smell is making me dizzy.)
Completely immerse the stockinged cleats in the kitty litter, and let stew for three days or until the next athletic event.
I’m thrilled to make my world a little sweeter, one shoe at a time.
*CAUTION: I do not, and have never, owned a cat. However, I suspect that those of you who do might want to find another method for detoxifying your shoes, because I foresee complications if you adopt mine.
Hope this repays all of you who have helped this clueless soccer mom learn more about the game! It works so well for me that I’m posting it to Works For Me Wednesday– go check out the great ideas over there.
Since I first posted this, a reader suggested filling the knee-hi’s with the kitty litter and inserting them into the shoes. This ought to be much less messy, and should work unless the smell has COMPLETELY PERMEATED your life, and the shoe.
One year ago in The Tiny Kingdom: In Which I Declare Myself The Victor In The Breast Wars