How We're Spicing Up Our Marriage

Every morning and every night, Bill brushes his teeth and spits into my sink. He doesn’t use water to rinse the toothpaste fuzz off his mouth like civilized people do; he wipes the minty froth onto my hand towel. I’ve put up with it because I love him but it’s raunchy.

The other day I caught him clipping his toenails into my sink.

“Dude, you’re grossing me out,” I said. “Fingernails and toenails don’t go in the sink, and they certainly don’t go in my sink. What’s your deal? We’ve lived in this house for over ten years and you can’t keep your nasty shit in your own sink.”

“Toenails can too go in the sink,” Bill said. “But I’m just having problems using my sink. I keep migrating over and using yours. I think we assigned them wrong in the very beginning. What say we trade sinks?”

So after fifteen years of marriage, we’re making a change. The shaving cream, razor and Scope will be on the right, and my favorite cup that holds my toothbrush is heading to the left, along with the zillions of skin cleansers and creams I require to look this devastatingly youthful. Under the cabinets, the tampons, cotton balls and VO5 are moving to the cabinet formerly inhabited by the Speed Stick, extra toilet paper, Irish Spring and Pert.

Switching bathroom sinks might sound mundane to some, but it’s made for a fun weekend so far. The romance of sorting and tossing outdated toiletries a deux was surpassed only by the fact we keep bumping into each other naked as we head for one sink, then switch to the other, in a tiny space. We’re treating it as the start of many scintillating changes in our relationship.

I figured I better put up pictures of this because don’t you love seeing what’s in people’s bathroom cabinets?

During the sorting of the toiletries…

Not running out of shaving cream anytime soon. Thanks, Costco!

The glamorous side

The manly stuff

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Two years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: In Which Bill Is Right

9 Comments

cynthia

November 2, 2008 at 11:03 pm

i wonder how many times you will get confused on which sink is which, out of habit.

how was he planning on getting rid of toenail clippings…certainly not your towel again!?!?!?

cynthia’s last blog post..day 2 of many!!!!

Amanda

November 3, 2008 at 7:41 am

Someday my husband and I are going to need separate sinks FOR SURE. We already had to get separate toothpaste because he’s a top squeezer and I’m a bottom squeezer. And I’m getting really tired of all his icky boy habits.

Amanda’s last blog post..Brrrrr

Peeved Michelle

November 3, 2008 at 12:44 pm

Amateurs. This weekend my husband and I are switching sides of the bed.

Peeved Michelle’s last blog post..Pizza with Extra Peeve

Charlie on PA Tpk

November 3, 2008 at 2:25 pm

We have a bath-and-a-half, and the half has been mine since we moved to this house 17 years ago. Next to the washer/dryer, I get a little above-the-sink cabinet, just tall enough for shave cream can and she gets the master bath sink, the three-door mirrored cabinet, the space beneath the sink, etc.

And speaking for myself, as a 6′ tall person who works out regularly (including stretching), I am unsure how I would maneuver my foot to be in the sink in order to trim my nails in the first place….

Charlie on PA Tpk’s last blog post..Last day wrap up