A Sexy Outfit For You!
At a recent football game, a neighboring high school performed a halftime dance routine at a football game that “stunned and appalled” one Tiny Kingdom woman. She found the routine inappropriate for public viewing, as the girls wore mens’ button down shirts and ties and proceeded to “suggestively shake and shimmy.” Later they tore off the shirts and revealed dance costumes underneath.
I have not seen the routine in question, but I’m an expert in both football dance routines and shimmying in a button down shirt, so I have a little something to say about this topic.
From 1982 through 1985 I was a member of the Dorians, the Tiny Kingdom’s dance team. In keeping with our mostly Republican, all white demographic, we performed routines so conservative that we might as well have been the toy soldiers in The Nutcracker. There was nary a wiggle or waggle to be found. Then we’d march off the field and watch while the other teams shook their asses and laid it down. I found it highly frustrating.
We scored a coup in the fall of 1985, when the band played “Thriller” and our choreography called for us to turn our backs to the stands and shake our fannies from side to side, using our hands to accentuate the motion. For a few seconds during each show I felt like a Solid Gold dancer, but it was a small reward for two years of marching with the occasional kick-ball-change. At least our high-kick line rocked.
Here’s a picture of me performing an exceptionally sexy move for us:
and a picture of the kick-line in motion. I should totally have been pointing my toe.
But what does this have to do with the current situation? Well, as it turns out, the other high school disagreed that their costume and routine was suggestive of a striptease. Again, I didn’t witness it.
But about three years ago, when Bill and I decided to add some pizzazz to our sex life, I bought a book that was full of ideas besides hopping in the bed and going at it. I wrote all about it here. The book promised that if I walked around in one of Bill’s button downs and a pair of high heels, he’d appreciate the show. The tip was so successful that I shared it with my Bible Study, all of whom have reported amazing results. (One attendee recommends inviting your husband home for lunch, where he finds you vacuuming in this getup. They never made it to the bedroom, and she suffered rug burns that she says were totally worth it.)
Unless you have actually worked as a French maid in the past and held on to your uniform, the button down shirt is the thriftiest provocative outfit you can wear if you’re getting ready to make googly eyes with your lover. Sexier even than the Garden of Eden costume, because in my experience, a man likes to rip a little something off a woman and fling it on the ground.
So I’m thinking that the idea that the dancers’ costume had no sexual overtones was a bit naive. My scientific experimentation has proven the outfit to be titillating and seductive, and that’s exactly what I intend each time I put it on. If you were a Dorian and saved your seamed fishnet pantyhose, well, that just adds an extra layer of entertainment.
Of course, if you wear this outfit too often, you may end up with one of these:
Let’s all take a vote. You can try out the shirt and hip shake to gauge its effect before voting if you need to. In fact, I encourage you to do so.
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Three years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: All About You
21 Comments
Mrs. Micah
Works for me! 🙂 Micah has these lovely soft flannel shirts and he’s incredibly font of my lower curves. I think that’s probably all I should say on the subject, but I give it an emphatic YES!
Mrs. Micah’s last blog post..One Thing to Say
Donna
So are you now telling us this getup is sexier than swapping bathroom sinks?
Or…are we supposed to wear it while we do the changeout?
joanne
Did you ever see Little Miss Sunshine? That’s essentially the same outfit the little girl wore in her ‘talent’ (that she learned from her grandfather) and it was totally a stripper activity. As well as (and here I should be ashamed I saw this movie) I think Striptease (was that the one with Demi Moore?). Of course I got so annoyed with my alma mater’s women’s basketball team having “Nanooks” blazened across the girls’ bottoms I actually emailed the coach about it, I may not be the best judge of inappropriateness. 🙂
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Anna See
Nice Legs, Anne! I could NEVER have been on the dance squad.
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Lorie
I wish that kids were just kids still! They try to grow up too fast!
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jean
I love coming here, you never know what you are going to learn!
Headless Mom
If you think a dance squad in your town is bad, imagine what you would find here in very liberal southern California.
Makes me blush just thinking about it.
The shirt thing? Great in a married bedroom, I’m sure. On a football field? Not so much.
Headless Mom’s last blog post..The Old School Try…
Erin
People need to get a grip. Look at what most girls wear on a daily basis and leave the dancers alone! You look great out there. Plus, how many women over 30 let alone 40 can wear anything they wore in HS without totally demolishing their self-esteem?
Anne Glamore
Just to clarify, you can view the changing of the sinks as a new type of foreplay, and then you should don the outfit for the crescendo.
I’ll take this opportunity to say that I did win “Best Legs” every year at the Dorian banquet. I got them from my mom, along with small bosoms and huge feet. Now that I’m over 40, I’m thinking I got a good deal.
And also, that picture of me on the field was taken in the mid 80’s, not this year. I’m not quite that firm and supple now.
Russ
Kids are growing up too quickly today. It would be fine for the “professional cheerleaders” to perform that way, they understand what they are doing (hypothetically anyway).
I was in high school, many moons ago, I understand what goes on, but there is no reason to encourage it.
Now if I could just get the Wife to wear one of my shirts and high heels. (I don’t think she even owns a pair of heels.)
Russ’s last blog post..Politics! Schmolitics! by Jasper
Bhamdining
Living in the town where the provocative team is from, I’ve already heard quite a lot about this.
According to an al.com blog, which includes a link to video of the dance in question, the complaint caused them to make changes to the routine. (http://blog.al.com/hoover/2008/10/spain_park_dazzlers_dance_team.html)
I watched it, and although it’s hard to tell form the quality of the video, it didn’t really seem that outrageous to me. There was a sort of old-fashioned charm to it, like something from a Doris Day movie.
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karyn
The Man is a fan of my puttering around in the button down shirt. As am I – button down shirts do not give away bloat. Anything which does not reveal bloat AND entices The Man to make googoo eyes at you…well that’s a winner in my book. (No high heels here. Still recuping from a broken ankle. Leg cast – not. sexy.)
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Laurel
Be glad that you were not a Dorian in my mother’s day. There was no money for majorette boots, so the whole team wore white sneakers with knee-high white socks that were supposed to look like majorette boots from afar.
Jennifer
I enjoyed your post and I am so glad to know her attitude is not shared by the entire kingdom. I wrote the letter that was published the next week in which I suggested that perhaps if she were seeing something sexual when she looked at high school girls she might want to get some help. What kills me is there is ANOTHER letter today in the paper. We just had an historic election and the dance team is STILL getting coverage????
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Karin
This is to Jennifer. No, HER attitude is not shared by the entire kingdom. There are some of us who actually can think past our bellybuttons.
Amanda
I was on my high school’s dance team for one year. Our most “risque” outifit was black pants with a sparkly top that had cap sleeves, a mock turtleneck and showed about 5-6 inches of tummy skin. And the year I was on the dance team was the last year the school let us use those outfits, claiming they were inappropriate. Speaking only in terms of square inches, the sparkly black outfit (which we only wore for basketball games, by the way) covered more skin than the sequin encrusted number that put on us for PARADES.
Anyway, yeah, I think the stripper moves are too much for high school. Sure, maybe they’re going to do it anyway in their free time, but that doesn’t mean the school needs to condone the behavior.
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liz
Hmmmm…I wonder if I can get a sitter on short notice.
liz’s last blog post..Which reminds me…
SheilaG
That’s awesome! And a man’s shirt is definitely what they like to see. It’s just that little tad mysterious, because it hides so much and suggests so much at the same time. Why not?
I write about this in my books, too, so come on over and check out my post today on Honey, I Don’t Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood!
Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!
Holly
I decided to try the shirt suggestion so I could make an informed vote… and my vote is an emphatic “yes”. Wow.
In response to Headless Mom’s comment, I’m from California and all the dance moves I ever saw were pretty tame. Maybe it’s town specific?
Cecelia
OMG, I had that same outfit back in 1979 when I was on the dance squad, only ours were Blue and Gold. We didn’t have the cool boots, we had white sneakers with the seamed fishnet panty hose. Question…do you guys wear regular panty hose under the fishnets? Some of the girls on our squad did…they said it made their legs look tan. I bet you that none of those girls/women wear panty hose today!
Thanks for sharing and bringing me back to my dance squad days!
Cecelia
Melissa
Wow – that routine is tame compared to the routine my Christian high school dance squad did to “Rumpshaker” in the mid-90s! I guess that just proves a button-down shirt really does sex it up… Even more so than a cheerleader uniform.