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January 11, 2009

Lots To See If You’re Quick

The boys kept yelling “frank ‘n’ beans!” when they were changing clothes while we were in New York last week.  Maybe they do this every time they pull down their pants at home, but if so, I don’t hear it amid the drumming, yelling and twittering of Feathers and Omelet.  In the minuscule apartment, however, the frequent outbursts were quite noticeable.

Eventually I realized that “frank ‘n’ beans” refers to a boy’s privates, and that shouting it serves as a warning not to look as the boy briefly exposes his genitals to put on what I hoped was a clean pair of underwear, not the pair that had toured Chinatown the day before.

I pretended not to know what they were yelling about.  It’s been a long time since I’ve wiped any butts or bathed anyone in the bathtub.  In the last couple of years all three boys, even Porter, have grown quite modest.  Honestly, I was quite curious as to how everyone was maturing down there, and I wanted to check out everyone’s frank and beans.  I figured that as the mom, if anyone was sporting signs of sauerkraut, I had the right to know.

At first the guys were fixated on whether their brothers were trying to see their manhood, but it didn’t take them long to notice me trying to sneak a peek.

“Mom! Frank ‘n’ beans means don’t look.  Give a guy some privacy.”

I found that hypocritical, as these same complainers have been known to track me to the bathroom to ask for lunch money.   As the least modest person in the universe, however, I haven’t let it get to me.

The next time I came out of the bathroom I yelled, “Two miniature fried eggs,” just before I ripped off my robe to slap on my bra.**

I can’t always be one of the boys, but I can try.


** Look at the FIRST cute bra I’ve been able to purchase for my tiny tits!
It’s a Wacoal Petite and Viola at Bloomingdales in NYC helped me. It was very expensive ($48) but so worth it for my ego. All my other bras are flat triangles with straps.


Three years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Virtual Book Club #5

Posted by Anne Glamore @ 6:06 pm • Deep Thoughts,Fashion: Turn To The Left!,Uncategorized,Wanderlust: Travel Tales   

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15 Responses to “Lots To See If You’re Quick”

  1. So cute!

  2. LMAO! My son just turned 9 but I’m always trying to sneek in a “sauerkraut” check every now and then too. I’m so glad I’m not the only one!!! It’s not so much that my kid’s modest, it’s just that I don’t want to ASK to see it (might cause mental trauma later), and it’s hard to see “kraut” when the frank and beans are either streaking by, or being shook at me. 🙂

  3. “Two miniature fried eggs”? Hysterical.

  4. Great post. Thanks for sharing. At my house, we use “Code Beige.”

  5. $48 seems totally affordable for an ego-boosting brassiere. That’s 2 tubes of totally awesome lip-gloss or 1/2 a jar of nightcream, right?

  6. I was just introduced to your site by a friend. I have a 2 year old so I have a lot to look forward to. Thanks for your candidness. I look forward to future posts.

  7. That bra is GORGEOUS. I loved my Wacoals back when I wore a size Wacoal makes. Sigh….now I’m lucky if I can find a bra for less than $80.

  8. I have the opposite bra problem and have to get them in Vestavia for a small fortune. But at least my bras no longer look like torture devices or something that should belong to someone weighing 400 lbs.

    Our code here is goofy…when Ty was a baby, he would ask for something that sounded like “pry-vee-us” when he would potty. It always cracked us up. So now, they still yell that out when we are all in close quarters.

  9. Everything Wacoal is awesome!

    fried eggs – snort!

  10. lol, I wonder (and worry a bit) about this issue … as the boys grow up, it’s good that they develop modesty, but how will you KNOW if there’s an issue?

    and that bra is ADORABLE.

  11. I can’t wait for my sons to get the privacy thing. At least then I won’t be treated to the sight of two boys (one of them not-so-small any more) playing Nintendo butt naked.

  12. My son was not-so-modest at the age of 13 when our water heater blew out and I had to pour hot water from the stove in the tub for him. I was so stunned I couldn’t speak for several minutes, and his dad asked me what was wrong. I had to break it to dad that the son had surpassed the daddy. It still give me shivers to remember that.

  13. I think I may have hurt myself laughing at “sauerkraut.”

  14. Talk of lingerie and pretty bras (Wacoal
    included)brings to mind that you have a
    great lingerie shop right here in The Tiny Kingdom. Please support your local businesses and help keep us functioning.
    I would be pleased to supply you with any kind of lingerie you need.

  15. LOL – really, tears filling in my eyes “two miniature fried eggs” – I love it (& of course “frank & beans” too)!

    hahahahahahaha, aaah. 🙂

    Rebecca’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

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I'm Anne Glamore, wife, mother, lawyer and blogger. I have three boys, and I'm desperately trying to train them to become Southern gentlemen, but that may be an unrealistic goal. At this point I'd be ecstatic if they'd quit farting at the dinner table. If you're new here, check out the Readers' Favorite Posts below or browse through the Categories. I write about my attempts to teach the boys about peckers and sex (which we call "making googly eyes"), my struggles with hepatitis C and spine surgery, the boys' adventures with fire and pets, my mom's death from ovarian cancer, my love of cooking (with plenty of recipes) and anything else that crosses my mind. Join me on Twitter or StumbleUpon or Email me. I'm happy to speak to your group or club.

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