Googly Eyes: Make Love Not War

Weekly Wrapup: Stings, Soccer, Supper, Sexy

It was our anniversary, but Bill and I didn’t see each other until 7:45 p.m. at Open House in Mrs. L’s Advanced Math class. At that point I had already met with both third-grade teachers and Bill had gone to Social Studies, English and Science, so we were worn out after a day of work and school. Our kisses were weary, though heartfelt.

Bill and I are hoping to go out of town this weekend for a little celebration, if the kids don’t prevent our getaway. Drew got stung by the World’s Most Venomous Yellowjacket while he and Porter were playing in the fort they made out of tree limbs. At first it didn’t look like much and we applied ice and Benadyl, but this morning his entire foot was swollen something wicked.

Aug07 066

It isn’t streaky, though, so I’m assuming that this is not an injury that will put our vacation in danger, like stitches and lice have in the past.

Speaking of Wicked, I was astounded to discover that someone has created a dance-mix version of “Defying Gravity,” and we’re working out to it in Jazzercise. Honestly, will I walk in one day and warm up to Grizabella singing, “MMM-mem–mem-Memory, all alone in the mm-mmoon-mmoonlight, moonlight?” That seems to be where this exercise is headed.

Lots of you wrote in to rescue me from absolute cluelessness about soccer. Many confessed that although you’ve been on the sidelines for years, you’ve never figured out the rule, which made me feel better. Others advised renting “Bend It Like Beckham” where the rule is explained in one scene using condiments.

BusyMom provided the most helpful succinct comment: [The rule] “keeps people from lurking at the goal to receive a pass.” I can totally picture players lurking about, and see why that would be scary and thus illegal.

But the best explanation of all came from Christian, who put it into terms all women can understand, (with one small exception):

Sorry in advance for this, but the classic “offside explanation for women” runs like this:

“You’re in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.

The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.

It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.

The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.

Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.

She prepares to throw her purse to you.

If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!

At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and “whilst it is in flight” you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!

BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has “actually been thrown”, it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!”

My only quarrel with this explanation is that it seems highly unlikely that any woman would forget her purse when going shoe shopping, but it’s still a hell of an example.

Finally, y’all are talking a big game about loving the weekly meal plan, but the true test will come in a week’s time when you write to review recipes, and share pictures of successful or unsuccessful dishes or children delightedly cleaning their plates.

Ack: Drew left for school complaining of a stomachache. I think he just needs to go #2 but we’re going to hit the road QUICK so that our romantic rendezvous becomes a reality!

9 Comments

  • Susu

    It might just be “safety”, probably green!!

    Have a great anniversary. This will be our 20th, and my goal is to be in Hawaii on our 25th, if not before.

  • jean

    Well now I understand off sides. What a perfect explanation.
    Have a great weekend and I hope the kids feel better.

  • alala

    No I really meant it and I really really will try the recipes, just not… now. We’re going to Corsica for a week, and the week before that is all about using stuff up, but as soon as we get back, I will. Promise. I’ll blog about it, too.

  • Kristine

    Having been a soccer referee in high school, that is an AWESOME description of offsides. That woman has a good grasp… I wonder what other sports situations she sees in her daily life!

  • Stephanie Honeycutt

    I don’t know about that foot Anne, that could be a sign of an allergic reaction. Poor kid – Yeouch. Yellow jackets sting like the devil. Hate ’em. Hope he gets to feeling better.

    And that you two have an awesome anniversary!!

  • Shan Morris

    I agree about the allergic reaction. I have a friend who is vilely allergic to red ants – they cause a reaction like Drew’s. The Dr who treats her said that each reaction could get subsequently worse. Not to be an extremist, but My pal now carries an epipen b/c hers got so bad.

    I am making the Pork Lo Mein tomorrow night wish me luck.

    Today I made a crock pot dish, and happy accident I left off an ingredient and I think I would not have liked it as much. Family all happy with food – miracle, although spouse said lacked salt. (That’s what we make shakers for!!)

    p.s. will email you the recipe