In print! In a book!
I’ve never hidden the fact that I originally began blogging as a way to discipline myself to write on a regular basis. My hope was that my writing would improve and I’d get some exposure. Maybe I’d even get published.
Three and a half years (and over 400 columns later) I can see some results. I wrote essays twice a week from October 2005 to October 2006 for iVillage. (Those essays are in the archives.) I’ve been writing columns for magazines, including the recently launched Lipstick magazine here in Birmingham. I’ve been asked to speak to groups about blogging and parenting.
Now I’m dancing on air. My essay “I Love You Like The Crazy You Drive Me” was chosen for inclusion in The Mothering Heights Manual for Motherhood Volume 1. In fact, my essay is the first essay in the book. This is strangely satisfying, because I’ve never been first anywhere else (except the fifth grade spelling bee, where I successfully spelled “linoleum” to seize the prize from my oldest friend).
The book is a collection of hilarious and poignant essays about motherhood. Amazon is taking pre-orders for the book, and if you’re local I have a few copies myself.
The Amazon site does not have any pictures, but I have taken a picture of the cover and my submission, in case you think I’m shitting you about this:
My essay starts with the time Finn messed with my laundry system, meanders into a Dolly Parton reference, and goes on to discuss fire, da Vinci, and sex.
When I turned it in I also mentioned Led Zeppelin, but this is the real deal and an editor got hold of it and used her red pen. While Dolly stayed, “Black Dog” had to go.
One year ago on My Tiny Kingdom: My Wild & Crazy Guys
The boys have discovered some popular new books and toys I thought I’d pass along in case you’re looking for ideas.
If you’d told me both of my third-graders would be devouring Beowulf, I’d have told you that my boys are not child prodigies, and that you had us confused with another family. Maybe one that home-schools.
Kick me in the rear and call me crazy. While Finn was at drums, Bill and the twins spent an hour at the bookstore, where he let each of them pick out a book. Porter was immediately captivated by the cover of Beowulf, which features Grendel looking suitably green and menacing.
Bill tried everything he could to dissuade him, including, “I think it’s written in Ye Olde Englysh” and “I didn’t read that until college, and even then I only made it through because it was required,” but Porter was steadfast in his desire to read “the monster book.”
And he did, in two nights. Then Drew picked it up, and was equally entranced by “the oldest surviving epic in English literature” (yo– Harvard, Yale– are you digging this? Reading Beowulf and scrambling their own eggs!)
I did some detective work and discovered that Kingfisher Epics has a few other works translated for kids at this reading level, and their covers are also eye catching:
I ordered all of them and once the twins stopped fighting over the Trojan horse the house grew silent except for the sound of turning pages.
It turned out that The Iliad was too violent for Porter, our pacifist, as there were too many descriptions of swords severing limbs and decapitating soldiers. He shuddered the other night when Drew busted his head during a pillowfight (that confused me, too) and bled profusely from his room to ours. Skulls are just bleedy (or vascular in medical parlance); the actual wound was the size of a pencil eraser.
Anyway, Porter is now reading King Arthur and is much happier. So far there is less slaughter and bloodshed.
Last night he also confessed that he didn’t see why a woman was worth fighting an entire war over, and Drew agreed, but Finn said, “Guys, when you get into sixth grade you’ll understand it better.”
I’m always plugging Legos and K’Nex and I’m still of the opinion that if you can’t think of anything else to buy a boy between the ages of five and ten, either of these will be a hit. Imagine the boys’ delight when they were confronted with the latest offering from K’Nex– a kit that makes toy cars complete with batteries.
to the more exotic,
But the toy wouldn’t be perfect unless it could also do this:
Feathers seemed to enjoy the speed. I suppose you could describe this as a birdy dune buggy.
One year ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Sergeant Mom Gets Mushy
Imagine achieving a goal you’d worked toward for years. Satisfying, yes? But suppose what you’ve done is create something that must be promoted.
Some people would love that part, and others would abhor having to go out and chat it up with random strangers. There’s a third scenario, however, and that’s where Patry Francis who blogs at Simply Wait fits in.
Patry’s book The Liar’s Diary is out in paperback today, but she’s suffering some health problems and isn’t able to promote it herself. No matter– there are plenty of us in the blogosphere who are happy to help.
Here’s the scoop:
When new music teacher Ali Mather enters Jeanne Cross’s quiet suburban life, she brings a jolt of energy that Jeanne never expected. Ali has a magnetic personality and looks to match, drawing attention from all quarters. Nonetheless, Jeanne and Ali develop a friendship based on their mutual vulnerabilities. THE LIAR’S DIARY (Plume / February 2008 / ISBN 978-0-452-28915-4 / $14.00) is the story of Ali and Jeanne’s friendship, and the secrets they both keep.
Jeanne’s secrets are kept to herself; like her son’s poor report card and husband’s lack of interest in their marriage. Ali’s secrets are kept in her diary, which holds the key to something dark: her fear that someone has been entering her house when she is not at home. While their secrets bring Jeanne and Ali together, it is this secret that will drive them apart. Jeanne finds herself torn between her family and her dear friend in order to protect the people she loves.
A chilling tour of troubled minds, THE LIAR’S DIARY questions just how far you’ll go for your family and what dark truths you’d be willing to admit—even to yourself.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Patry Francis is a three-time nominee for the Pushcart Prize whose work has appeared in the Tampa Review, Colorado Review, Ontario Review, and the American Poetry Review. She is also the author of the popular blogs, simplywait.blogspot.com and waitresspoems.blogspot.com. This is her first novel. Please visit her website at www.patryfrancis.com.
“Francis draws and tense and moody picture of the perfect home and family being peeled back secret by secret…Four Stars.”—Romantic Times
If this sounds like a book you’d enjoy, head over to Amazon and grab a copy!
For even more information about the book and the bloggers* who are helping Patry promote it, go here and have a look around!
Hey- Happy Birthday to Legos, which turned 50 yesterday. Did you know that the Lego bricks sold in one year would circle the world 5 times?
It’s my belief that of those Legos, at least 200 end up in our septic tank each year.
Are you a Lego lover?
I found a list of the bloggers joining in the effort, and it’s inspiring:
Vicki Arkoff – MAD Magazine, Nickelodeon, MW Book Review
Gail Baker – The Debutante Ball
Carolyn Burns Bass
Susan Breen – Gotham Writers Workshops
Eve Bridburg – Zachary Shuster Harmsworth
Rachel Kramer Bussel
Austin S. Camacho
Karen DeGroot Carter
Cynthia Clark – Futures Mysterious Anthology Magazine
Oline H. Cogdill – Sun-Sentinal
Eileen Cruz Coleman
Dan Conaway – Writers House
Laurie Connors – Penguin
Bill Crider – Pop Culture Magazine
Ann Mare Cummins
Alma Hromic Deckert
Julie Doughty – Dutton
J.T. Ellison – Killer Year
Sheila Clover English – Circle of Seven Productions
Kate Epstein – the Epstein Literary Agency
Rachel Fershleiser at SMITH Magazine
Michael A. FitzGerald
Connie May Fowler
Jane Ganahl – Red Room
Erika-Marie S. Geiss
Kathi Kamen Goldmark
Susan Helene Gottfried
Bob Gray – Shelf Awareness
Nancy O. Greene
Melanie Lynn Hauser
Maria Dahvana Headley
Heidi the Hick
Eileen Hutton – Brilliance Audio
International Thriller Writers
Jen Jordan – Crimespree
Jungle Red Writers
Kristy Kiernan – Southern Authors Blog
Jeff Kleinman – Folio Literary Management
Rebecca Laffar-Smith – Writers Roundabout
Judy Merrill Larson
Julie Anne Long
Amy MacKinnon – The Writers Group
P. A. Moed
Joe Moore – Inkspot
Marcia Peterson – WOW! Women on Writing
Anthony S. Policastro
Janet Reid – FinePrint Literary Management
M.J. Rose – Buzz, Balls & Hype
Harris Salat -Visual Thesaurus
Maria Schneider – Writer’s Digest Magazine
Sisters in Crime
BPM Smith – Word & Bass
Alice Tasman – the Jean Naggar Literary Agency
Charles R. Temple
N. L. Valler
Barbara Vey – Publishers Weekly
Therese Walsh – Writer Unboxed
John Warner – Tow Books
Kimberly M. Wetherell
Dan Wickett – Emerging Writers Network
Herewith, gift ideas for the kids. I’ve tried not to duplicate the ideas I put in last year’s gift guide for boys, so if you need more thoughts, click here and see what I recommended last year.
All three of my boys are on the fifth Harry Potter book at the moment. Last night we’d stuck Porter in the bed, but he popped out and came in our room to inform us that “all the house elves except Dobby are drinking lots of butter-beer, and it’s very strong for house elves. I’m worried about what will happen.”
For those of you who haven’t been hooked by these books yet, they are a gift to this generation of up-and-coming readers, and are responsible for my younger boys making huge leaps in their reading ability this year. I haven’t been able to snap a picture of the boys running in the driveway riding brooms and chasing a tennis ball and a basketball simultaneously in an Alabama version of Quidditch, but I assure you it happens.
Drew practices his broom-riding technique inside
I’d do anything to encourage an eight or nine-year old to read the Harry Potter books. They get longer as the series progresses. Consequently, we’ve purchased the paperbacks so the boys can lug them to school without chiropractic assistance.
I received a magazine in the mail that features expensive Harry Potter paraphernalia, including a replica of the sorcerer’s stone ($95) and a pewter Gryffindor mug ($55) but the Hogwarts bookmarks aren’t quite as pricey. ($20)
All of the books I recommended in last year’s Boy Toy gift guide are still popular, especially Little Lit. Other hits this year for the twins included Roald Dahl’s books (James and the Giant Peach and The BFG were clear favorites), Andrew Clements’s books (especially The Landry News and Lunch Money), Diary of a Wimpy Kid(the graphic format and honesty captivated them), and a copy of The Dangerous Book for Boys
together with some of the supplies called for in the book, such as a compass, rope, a knife, and so forth. Aunt Su gets credit for this genius idea.
(Although, I should point out that they didn’t need a book to learn how to be dangerous. Finn told me that earlier this year when I raced to the store for forgotten dinner ingredients, he and his brothers collected twigs, sticks and leaves, mounded them in the
driveway, set them on fire and enjoyed the spectacle. When I called to say I was on my way home, they extinguished the fire, swept all traces from the driveway, changed their clothes and resumed their homework as I drove into the garage.)
There’s another series of books including Wizardology and Pirateology that Drew and Porter both adore. It’s a lot like a scrapbook style story, as if you discovered a sailor’s journal of his quest to find a pirate, with maps and drawings.
Often I’ll see large coffee table books on the bargain shelves at the bookstore. I’ve picked up one about the Titanic and one about the Civil War, and the boys have been fascinated by the pictures. That’s been another good way to sneak in some learning. Tuesday Morning also had some of these.
Porter has been stealing my printer paper and making all sorts of paper airplanes. If I didn’t already have plenty of ideas for him, I’d buy him his own sheaf of paper and The Klutz Book of Paper Airplanes. Or if I felt guilty about destroying trees, I’d get the Encylopedia of Immaturity (Klutz) which contains tons of funny activities, like instructions for taking a picture where it looks like you’re holding your tiny friends on your thumbs.
For the older crowd, I’m high on three new books. Alabama Moon is by Watt Key, a Mobile native I got to know last winter. He’s a hoot, and has spent so much time in the wilderness that he’s eaten armadillo just to survive, and then discovered that chewing pine bark cured the horrific halitosis caused by the armadillo. Let me hasten to add that he’s gotten rave reviews for his book, and you don’t have to love armadillo or be from the South to enjoy it.
What Watt Key Uses Instead of Colgate
The Chicken Dance was being promoted at BEA last spring, and I got to meet the charming author, Jacques Couvillon, who kindly inscribed a copy for Finn: “You can fly!” The author photo shows him feeding chickens while wearing a tux, and if that isn’t a kick-ass picture, I don’t know what is. I’m going to start this book as soon as I finish the damn John Rosemond book over in the right sidebar, the one about fostering responsible decision making in your teen. Or hell, that book doesn’t seem to be working, so maybe I’ll start The Chicken Dance tonight. I could use a break from the parenting grind.
I’m also eager to read The Night Tourist by Katherine Marsh in which a boy goes under Grand Central Station and discovers another world. I always suspected there were ghosts under the subways!
How about the way I’ve organized everything so neatly into Books and Not Books?
One of the best suggestions I received this year would be good for anyone, but especially younger drivers: gas gift cards. Here is a site where you can order Shell gift cards. I just Googled it; I’m sure you can do the same for your nearby station.
Kids with iPods (or hell– anyone with an iPod) can always use an iTunes gift card.
Art supplies are always a good bet- as Drew got older we got him special sketching pencil and sketch paper. In last year’s gift guide I described other popular art supplies. But wait! What if you’ve been there, done that? Then it’s time to move on to those office supplies the kids are always snatching from you – Post-It notes, large paper clips, different kinds of tape, staplers, index cards, fancy pens and pencils, pads of paper and notebooks, and so forth. You know who would love this? Zoot. She goes ballistic over office supplies.
Speaking of office and school supplies, my reliable friend Margaret, who should have just written this damn guide herself – THAT’S how many great ideas she had– has alerted me that there’s a segment of the elementary school population that’s wild about Pencil Petz erasers. The kids stack them on pencils or make bracelets out of them. There’s no denying that collecting erasers is much more edifying than fighting over Soulja Boy.
If you’re purchasing for hangman or tic-tac-toe lovers, Horchow makes a set of three pads, one preprinted for each game and one for drawing. You can personalize them, too.
Kids also go nuts over Transformers. Frankly, I find them creepy. What mother would buy something that is described like this:
BONECRUSHER hates everything, and what BONECRUSHER hates, he destroys. He hates this planet, and all its inhabitants. He hates the AUTOBOTS for getting in his way. He even hates MEGATRON and the other DECEPTICONS; the only reason he stays with them is because MEGATRON scares him. BONECRUSHER lives for the day when he’s the only one left standing atop a pile of smoking rubble and shattered robots.
Now that I look more closely, I see that it transforms from a Camaro into a scary yellow robot, and that’s pretty cool. If there’s a boy on your list, you cannot go wrong with a Transformer.
Porter received a METAL DETECTOR one year and it’s been extremely popular. There are detectors made for kids, but this one is a little cheaper. You can see other choices on that page. Alabama is in a severe drought, and the lake is lower than it’s been in years. We were there a couple of weekends ago and the boys had a fabulous time finding buried treasure such as broken deck chairs, a varied assortment of liquor bottles, a boathouse door, an original pop-top Tab can, and a pair of parachute pants. We didn’t find tons of money or jewelry with the metal detector, but if it had been there, we would have.
Here’s a picture of a dried-up lake that yielded many treasures.
There’s a special place in my heart for the red parachute pants we found. U Can’t Touch These!
Porter saw this set of huge maps U.S./World 2 for 1 Map at a bookstore and purchased it with his own money. As soon as we got home he hung one over his bed and one on the opposite wall. Then he stuck pushpins in the places he’d been. The world map shows the flags of different countries at the bottom, which is riveting for a nine-year-old. Both boys used the map of America when they were getting ready for their geography test. This was the best money Porter’s ever spent.
Now that everyone’s old enough to play, board games are becoming more fun. Hits and recommendations include Operation, Mousetrap, Blokus , Othello, Rush Hour, Monopoly and Life (although I still think the latter teaches the wrong lessons about life).
Readers have also suggested Settlers of Catan, which I’ve never heard of but which sounded intriguing on the web. Defective Yeti speaks highly of it and appears knowledgeable about games, so this is on our list.
The boys are still captivated by Legos and I don’t think I mentioned Playmobil last year. They spend hours with these figures, building stuff. You can spend a little and get the Pirate Crew or spend more and get the Playmobil Pirate Ship, for example. The possibilities are endless here.
What about outdoor activities?
Porter can bounce a basketball while jumping on his Flybar Pogo Stick and I’m getting him some balls so he can practice juggling while jumping. Porter has his eye on the Flybar 800 Pogo Stick which promises to hurl the pogo-er over four feet into the air. Too bad for him, as I have no intention of letting a $200 “toy” that propels your child into space onto my property, but if you purchase it, let me know how it turns out. We achieve plenty of air and the resulting bruises without added pistons.
Instead, we’re going the Ripstik Caster Board route, which is probably no safer but prevents you from watching your child purposely soar into the air. The Ripstik is a two-wheeled skateboard that lets the rider pretend he is snowboarding… on asphalt. Don’t forget the helmet and pads.
You can use Roller Blades or Inline Skates to race, or you can play roller basketball in them. Porter can even rollerblade into a Port-O-Potty, do his business, and rollerblade out without falling. What are we going to do with all his non-marketable skillz?
The Skateboard is back as well.
You know my stance, or should, so no talk about Game Boys and Wii here.
Last year Porter got a simple HP camera for Christmas. You may remember seeing his highly successful retrospective on Portugal. He also discovered that the camera takes movies, and that’s how we created the irresistible Yo Mama! Finn enjoyed filming the action, while Drew proved particularly adept at editing with the Movie Maker program that came with our computer.
My point is that while there are digital cameras made especially for kids, like the Fisher Price Kid-Tough Digital Camera for Boys (they make a girls’ version also), you can spend a bit more and get a real camera. The plastic ones would be good for the younger crowd, but an eight-year-old would enjoy having the features of Porter’s camera. This HP Photosmart M447 5MP Digital Camera is still just under $100 if you purchase it with a 1G memory card. Here’s a Kodak EasyShare C533 5MP Digital Camera. I can’t believe the megapixels on these things. Porter’s Portugal pictures were outstanding, and his camera has 5 MP.
We have NO videos of our children as babies, or toddlers, or at all. That’s because early on, I told Bill that I could be in charge of raising children and taking still photos, or raising kids and shooting video, but not both. He said he’d handle the videos, but remember those tiny cassettes? The big black bag you had to lug around? The way the battery was never charged? It was a big pain in the ass.
The digital camcorders of today have changed all that, and we’re outsourcing our video requirements to Drew, who always has two free hands.
I saw the Aiptek DV5900 5MP Pocket Digital Camcorderat Target the other day. Easy as pie, and tiny!
This Flip Video Camcorder: 60-Minutes (Black) is precious and apparently easy to use. It doesn’t have a slot for extra memory, though.
Yeesh. That’s a lot of ideas for one column, and I have to go make some Brussels Sprouts with Bacon and Peanut Butter Brownies. Hope this helps you finish your holiday list for the small fry.
Other helpful resources:
Design*Sponge ($25 and under)