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May 31, 2008

Lookey Here!

I have a post up over at Deep South about Chryslers, hot summer days, drive-through carwashes, and “Afternoon Delight.”  Check it out!

Posted by Anne Glamore @ 9:27 amSouthern Comfort3 comments  

April 6, 2008

In Which I’m All Doocey

For the longest time my front porch has been decorated only with three crinkly dead plants and a disintegrating doormat, and the front door has red mud handprints made by boys who paw the door while trying to grasp the door handle.

Yesterday I tossed the plantings of death and went to the local garden shop looking for something funky to spruce up the place, because how many Boston ferns do we really need in the Tiny Kingdom?

I was thrilled to find crocodile ferns that I paired with dieffenbachia. Now my pots say welcome, but don’t get too comfortable here.



If you don’t get the reference in the title, welcome to the internet! You can click here and here to see what I’m riffing on.


Three years ago in My Tiny Kingdom: The Lone Vagina 

Posted by Anne Glamore @ 5:18 pmSouthern Comfort10 comments  

December 18, 2007

Go Outside And Play With Guns

I lost the battle over having toy guns in the house way back when Finn was a toddler, and then I handed the whole firearm issue over to Bill.

So while we are notorious hard asses about media, you might describe us as incredibly lax in another area (besides haircuts). Each boy owns an air soft gun, a product I’d never heard of until recently.

It’s like a paint ball gun without the paint. The boys put on protective goggles and run around the yard SHOOTING EACH OTHER ON PURPOSE, which is exactly what I don’t want them doing in video games.

Bill says, “Lighten up, Frances,” and I guess he’s right. We can’t ban everything. At least there’s no blood, flying body parts or scantily clad women involved.

But I bet the neighbors across the street worry when they see this:



Is this a Southern thing, a boy thing, or what?

A year ago in My Tiny Kingdom: Drew Discovers Santa’s Limits

Posted by Anne Glamore @ 5:22 pmDeep Thoughts,Inventions, Creations, Experiments,Southern Comfort33 comments  

December 5, 2007

G-Strings & Tube Socks

Apparently “Weagel Weagle” isn’t the only nonsensical verse of a football fight song out there.

When I wrote about the animus good-natured rivalry between Alabama and Auburn fans, I quoted the Auburn fight song, part of which causes many a confused Alabamian to ask, “What the hell is a weagle?”

Bodygetta Bodygetta Bodygetta Bah
Rah Rah Rah
Sis Boom Bah
Weagle Weagle
War Damn Eagle
Kick ‘Em In the Butt Big Blue!!

Joy wrote in to say that she’d been taught to say “Regal eagle,” and she surmised that years of drunkenly attempting such linguistics had morphed the phrase into “weagle,” which seems a good explanation.

Kelly then pointed out that at Ole Miss the fans proudly yell a ditty which makes them seem confused, if not amnesiac:

Hotty Toddy, godalmighty,

Who the hell are we?

Flim, flam, bim bam,

Ole Miss, by damn!

As she said, “Flim flam? Also, we wonder who the hell they are too.”

That led me to wonder what else is being screamed in stadia* across the nation in the name of team spirit. Do share.

If you can beat “bodygetta bah,” Tiny Kingdom readers want to know about it!

*So excited to use my high school Latin. Thanks, Mr. Velotas!


Many of you have insisted that I cannot technically be neutral between Alabama and Auburn, and you are correct. My parents were in a mixed marriage, commonly denoted by the license plate you see here:


Generally my parents sat on the Alabama side, but one year my mom got pissed and said she was tired of sitting with the enemy, so my dad bought two tickets on the Auburn side and two on the Alabama side. I sat with my mom, Aunt Su sat with my dad, and Aunt Lulu stayed home with the ancient babysitter who gave her half a candied orange slice as a super-special treat. If she was really lucky they watched Hee-Haw instead of the game.

Although I went to college out of state, I married a man who grew up in Auburn, and that sealed my fate. When pressed, marital harmony compels me to proclaim allegiance to Auburn.

While I don’t have a problem giving my children unusual names, I’ve taken a resolute stand against double first names (heretical in the South). My main activity as an Auburn fan is to revel in the fact that at least Auburn’s quarterback doesn’t have three names. John Parker Wilson is making it difficult on the announcers who have to spit out all those syllables every time he throws the ball.


The night before the Iron Bowl we layered up to brave the weather and visited some tailgating friends. It was a large affair, complete with heated tent and guitarist, located improbably about ten feet from the parking lot, but whatever. As the musician tuned up to play, someone in the back of the crowd yelled, “Don’t you break that G-string!”

“That’s what all the girls say,” another man hollered.

I cringed and glanced at the boys. Finn gave me a knowing look while managing to seem a bit embarrassed, Drew was confused, and Porter was pissed.

“That’s not the G-string, it’s a B. I should tell that man that you remember the strings by saying ‘Easter Bunny Got Drunk At Easter.'”

This from my fervent guitarist who once responded to a man who said, “Anybody got a request?” by asking, “Can you play an E?”

He takes his notes seriously.


Bill saw some childhood friends he hadn’t seen in ages. A guy named David told me that Bill was the first kid in town to wear tube socks, thus assuring himself a place in Auburn fashion history.

I was pleased to know that Bill was sexy long before Justin Timberlake was even born, much less driven to bring sexy back.


more tube socks

I don’t know that I’ve ever written so much about sports in so short a time.

Those of you who are still looking for gift ideas can look at all my gift guides for easy shopping: Boy Toys, Teachers and Babies, the Hard to Buy For, and Tolerable Kids.

Those of you in town who are interested, I have a friend who makes the yummiest chocolate roulage! (You know, the flourless chocolate cake filled with whipped cream that’s rolled like a jellyroll).

You can give them as gifts or buy for yourself to serve as a holiday dessert. Each is $35 and serve 12-15 people each. They come frozen. This is not a mail thing, so unless you are planning to drive to Vestavia, you are out of luck. She bakes and freezes constantly between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it’s first-come, first-served. Email me if you’re interested.

Posted by Anne Glamore @ 4:21 pmFestivities & Celebrations,Football,Frolic and Detour: Sports,Inventions, Creations, Experiments,Southern Comfort21 comments  

December 3, 2007

Iron Bowl: Fighting Words & Face Paint

My boys went to their first Alabama-Auburn football game Thanksgiving weekend, and they were fired up.  I don’t give two hoots about football so first I resisted these obnoxious flags and stickers, but later I relented and let the boys decorate the minivan for the drive from Birmingham to Auburn.


You can’t see the tiger tail hanging out the trunk, but you get the general orange and blue tiger motif.  Though the van may look somewhat gaudy to those of you from outside the state, in fact the adornments helped us blend in with all the other cars traveling southeast on highway 280.

My sons weren’t done showing their spirit.  Thanks to Bill’s purchase of some oily (and certainly not non-comedogenic) facepaint, they carefully applied orange and blue until they looked like goofballs true Auburn fans.


Auburn won (I forgot the score) so that was fun for the guys, but their big news was that they had seen plenty of drunk people and heard prime cuss words during the game.

During the second quarter the Auburn fans shouted a favorite (yet nonsensical) cheer:

Bodygetta Bodygetta Bodygetta Bah
Rah Rah Rah
Sis Boom Bah
Weagle Weagle
War Damn Eagle
Kick ‘Em In the Butt Big Blue!!

The boys were exulting in the coolness of being able to shout “damn” in the name of team loyalty.  Then the situation got even better.  Behind them a slurring Bama fan shouted, “What the f*ck is a weagle?  That’s a f*ckin’ stupid cheer.”

The boys turned and stared.  No one answered the fan’s question.  (My mom, an Auburn graduate, could never give me a satisfactory response either.)

The boys weren’t looking for answers, though.  They were mesmerized by the drunkard’s foul language and nearly empty Jim Beam bottle.  Eventually the fan was evicted by the police, and Porter reported every cuss, sip and instance of littering to me in detail when they got home.

They had a marvelous time, and then it was over.  For us, that is.

For die-hard Alabama and Auburn fans, the Iron Bowl is never finished.  The rivalry thrives on controversy and talking smack, and fans can always identify something that happened before, during or after the game to get riled up about.  I’ll let you Google “Fear The Thumb” to see how silly this stuff gets, if the following isn’t enough to convince you.

This year’s controversy was about jewelry.  Actually, it began with one store’s attempt to sell jewelry, and has since descended into the usual mire of name-calling and trading insults.  Here are the advertisements the jewelry store put in the paper before the game:

(click to enlarge)



While it was apparent that both ads were intended to poke fun at the schools, the Auburn fans felt that  Bromberg’s went too far in when it insulted its grandmothers and accused its women of burping.  Sensing a marketing misfire, Bromberg’s Vice President apologized, saying, “If we had known this would be so offensive, we wouldn’t have run the ad.”

He could have been accusing Auburn fans of slapping their mamas for all the good that apology did.  The ads were gasoline poured on the heated competition, and fans couldn’t wait for the resulting explosion.

Auburn fans at Tiger Tales  worked themselves into a lather:

Steve: Brombergs is a vanishing retailer in Birmingham, and they are true/blue
Alabummer Fans and alumni. Who gives a damned what they think of Auburn. They are not at that high a level of class to even comment on Auburn. They will be closing their doors soon, as people like them are dying out. Good riddance

Jane: I am offended anytime someone refers to Auburn as a Cow College. I am a college graduate (registered nurse) and my father farmed (cattle) all his life. I guess some Bammer fans are too stupid to realize where their food comes from. Fred, I am an Auburn fan and have plenty of money–€” more than enough to shop at Bromberg’s, but will spend my money elsewhere.

Lynn: After listening to Nick Saban compare the Alabama football teams’€™ losses to several national tragedies, followed by the Brombergs’€™ classless, tasteless advertisement, it has become apparent that Saban, U of Alabama and Bromberg’s Jewelers are a perfect fit. Obviously, a person does not have to have class, nor the IQ of a houseplant to coach Alabama football or work for Bromberg’s…the mental giant that came up with idea sounds like an Alabama grad to me.

Meanwhile, at the TideFans website, the Bama folks were hooting:

TiderB: Although it’s downright hilarious, I don’t know why Bromberg’s thought it would go over okay with the barn.

LeeroyI’m not surprised Barners are offended. They have been, for as long as I can remember (that’s a long time), walking around with a chip on their shoulder. I heard em’ Monday bright and early on talk radio here.  They pretty much companied (complained?) about everything Bama per usual. They just won their sixth straight Iron Bowl and all they could talk about was our touchdown(they disputed it), and that Coach Saban didn’t give em’ enough props in his presser. Very sad folks, the lot of them.

dvldog: They are offended by people wearing shoes.

Leeroy: I think indoor plumbing fires em’ up too.

NativeTider: Barners can’t afford to shop at Bromberg’s anyway so what does it matter??

Tider@GW_Law: I wonder who read the ad to them.

As someone who couldn’t tell you from one year to the next who won last year’s game, it’s astonishing to look at the number of people who live and breath college football in this state all year long.  They’ve raised the art of insult to new heights.  The fervor won’t level off once the season is finished, because here football season never ends.  It will be time to think about recruiting, and training, and then it’s time for the games again.  The message boards will be full of Alabama fans calling Auburn a hick college, and Auburn fans accusing Alabama of being low class.

If you’re thinking about attending an Iron Bowl, pick a team, and remember to bring your supplies: fighting words and face paint.


(courtesy Jack Kratoville)


Posted by Anne Glamore @ 9:16 pmFootball,Frolic and Detour: Sports,Southern Comfort20 comments  

Welcome to the Kingdom

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I'm Anne Glamore, wife, mother, lawyer and blogger. I have three boys, and I'm desperately trying to train them to become Southern gentlemen, but that may be an unrealistic goal. At this point I'd be ecstatic if they'd quit farting at the dinner table. If you're new here, check out the Readers' Favorite Posts below or browse through the Categories. I write about my attempts to teach the boys about peckers and sex (which we call "making googly eyes"), my struggles with hepatitis C and spine surgery, the boys' adventures with fire and pets, my mom's death from ovarian cancer, my love of cooking (with plenty of recipes) and anything else that crosses my mind. Join me on Twitter or StumbleUpon or Email me. I'm happy to speak to your group or club.

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